If you think you would like us to help you with the funeral simply ask your funeral director (but please see the notes below if your loved one lived outside the parish). They will liase with us and ensure that all the arrangements are as you wish. You do not need to have had any previous contact with a church for us to support you.

We will help you plan the ceremony and afterwards can arrange for one of our visitors to come and chat with you and help you through any problems.

The following should answer most of your questions. I start with an odd one but it causes us and those who mourn a lot of trouble so it is best to get this clear right at the beginning:

Why should I consider burial or interment at a Council cemet ery
before thinking about St Peter’s?

Before you decide to have yourself or your loved one buried at St Peter’s, please read this carefully:

Interments of ashes:

We have to bury the ashes, either by pouring into the ground or in a bio-degradable carton (=cardboard). We are not allowed to scatter the ashes or bury them in a wooden or ceramic container.

We are not allowed any form of memorial stone or other marker for interred ashes. Names are entered in our memorial book. The book is turned each Sunday and the Curate always checks the names for the next week and prays for each person named.

Burials and gravestones:

The rules governing monuments in churchyards are very strict.
Most of the monuments you see in Council cemeteries would not be allowed at St Peter’s.
Basically, all you are legally allowed to place in our churchyard is a simple, “weathering” headstone (= not marble or granite) with a plain inscription in black lettering.
So, no pictures, kerbstones, chippings, statues, shrubs, artificial flowers, or any of the other things that people often like to have.
Please, please, think about this before deciding to have a burial at St Peter’s.
We are sometimes required to remove items that do not conform to the regulations and this can cause great distress.

To see what is allowed, have a look here.

To see the Rules, look here

To see “What is not allowed” look here

Who can be buried at St Peter’s?

Anyone who:

Had their permanent residence, at the time of death, in the Parish of South Gillingham (Bredhurst, Wigmore, Parkwood, Hempstead)
To check your Parish enter your post code here
OR
Was, at the time of death, on our Church electoral roll.
To be on the electoral roll you must have been Baptised (Christened) and have regularly attended a church in our parish for at least six months.
OR
Wishes to be buried in an existing family grave in which there is room for a further burial.

Because of the very small space available we regret that we are unable to accept burials except in the above circumstances.

We also have a small Garden of Remembrance for the interment of cremated remains. We may be able to be slightly more flexible over this if there is a very strong connection to the Church.

Who can have a funeral service at St Peter’s? (before - or after - a cremation or a burial in a cemetery)

Anyone. But clergy are required to minister to families in their own parish and we would have to seek the permission of your own clergy before agreeing to a request from outside our parish (unless you were a regular worshipper with us). Your Funeral Director will usually contact your local clergy, unless you have expressed a particular preference. They can also advise you on when it is best to hold a service in church prior to a burial in a cemetery or a cremation.

What happens at a funeral service?

Essentially, whatever you wish. We will help and guide you so you do not need to worry. There are some basic rules and the Minister will not allow anything that is contrary to the Christian faith but, beyond that, there is a lot of flexibility.

In brief, a funeral service will usually contain:

The gathering of the people
A reading from the bible and a talk
Prayers
A Prayer Commending the dead person to God
The committal of the body to be cremated or to be buried
A prayer of blessing

It has become normal to also include a tribute to the dead person and this can either be done as a separate piece or as part of the talk. Other items can also be added.

Planning the Service:

This may seem a silly question from a vicar, but are you sure you want a Christian ceremony? There is nothing to stop you conducting a non-religious service at the crematorium or cemetery yourselves, or there are humanists who will oblige. (But, and I admit I’m biased, there is something “right” about a Christian ceremony.)

Don’t feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to.

If you decide you do want us to help you through this difficult time, you can be assured of our support regardless of any connection with the church or lack of it.

The first decision you need to take is where the service is to take place. The most usual options are as follows:

A simple, but complete, service at the crematorium or the graveside.
A service in church, up to and including the prayer of commendation. This is followed by committal of the body at the crematorium or graveside (sometimes with only family present, or only the clergy and funeral director).
A shortened service of committal at the crematorium (very occasionally at the graveside), followed by a service of thanksgiving at the church. This is becoming increasingly popular.

You then need to decide who will be at which part of the service. The wishes of the dead person should, if known, be followed.

Next, what do you want to include?

Be cautious about family members doing readings or tributes – it can be traumatic. On the other hand it can also be deeply moving and something they will never regret. Talk to the clergy first and let them guide you.
Poems, readings (Bible and others), music for coming in and going out?
You don’t have to have hymns even if the funeral director says you must. The organist will play a favourite for you or you can have recorded music. But singing is a great tonic and if you have a good crowd then I recommend it. Your Minister and Funeral Director can both guide you. And don’t worry about choosing the same as everyone else (The Lord’s my shepherd for example) – there is a reason they are popular.
Do you want someone to give a tribute? If you want the vicar to do this for you then think carefully about what you want said – unless we knew the dead person very well we can only say what you have told us. Writing it down helps enormously.

Check out the Resources Section for examples of services, texts, etc.

To Contact us, click here.

Local Funeral Directors

We are very fortunate in having excellent local funeral directors. Please contact them directly; we cannot make specific recommendations.

General List – Look under Rainham, Gillingham and Chatham.

John Weir, Buttons, Co-Op Funeral Care, Apps/Fowle, T Allen, have their own or a corporate site.

Memorials

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, do not set your heart on a particular memorial before talking to us. We have a simple booklet explaining the very strict rules we have to work to. We recommend that you talk to your funeral director or one of the local suppliers as they understand our rules. Please be aware that, contrary to what is said in their brochures, the memorials offered by the nationally advertised firms are often NOT suitable – indeed, we have seen brochures in which none of the memorials were legal for a churchyard.