Funerals
at St Peter’s
Most of us at
St Peter’s have suffered bereavement so you are among friends here.
We are the only church in the parish with a churchyard (though both St
Matthews and All Saints have gardens of remembrance for the interment of
ashes).
If
you think you would like us to help you with the funeral simply ask your
funeral director (but please see the notes below if your loved one lived
outside the parish). They will liase
with us and ensure that all the arrangements are as you wish. You do not need to have had any previous
contact with a church for us to support you.
We
will help you plan the ceremony and afterwards can arrange for one of our
visitors to come and chat with you and help you through any problems.
The
following should answer most of your questions. I start with an odd one but it causes us
and those who mourn a lot of trouble so it is best to get this clear right at
the beginning:
Why
should I consider burial or interment at a Council cemetery
before thinking about St Peter’s?
Before you decide to have yourself or your loved
one buried at St Peter’s, please read this carefully:
Interments
of ashes:
We have to bury the ashes, either by
pouring into the ground or in a bio-degradable carton (=cardboard). We are not allowed to scatter the ashes or
bury them in a wooden or ceramic container.
We are not allowed any form of memorial stone or
other marker for interred ashes. Names
are entered in our memorial book. The
book is turned each Sunday and the Curate always checks the names for the
next week and prays for each person named.
Burials
and gravestones:
The rules governing monuments in churchyards are
very strict.
Most of the monuments you see in Council cemeteries would not be allowed at
St Peter’s.
Basically, all you are legally allowed to place in our churchyard is a
simple, “weathering” headstone (= not
marble or granite) with a plain inscription in black lettering.
So, no pictures, kerbstones, chippings, statues, shrubs, artificial flowers,
or any of the other things that people often like to have.
Please, please, think about this before deciding to have a burial at St
Peter’s.
We are sometimes required to remove items that do not conform to the
regulations and this can cause great distress.
To see what is allowed,
have a look here.
To see the Rules,
look here
To see “What is not
allowed” look here
Who
can be buried at St Peter’s?
Anyone who:
- Had
their permanent residence, at the time of death, in the Parish of South
Gillingham (Bredhurst, Wigmore, Parkwood, Hempstead)
To check your Parish enter your
post code here
OR
- Was,
at the time of death, on our Church electoral roll.
To be on the electoral roll you must have been Baptised (Christened) and
have regularly attended a church in our parish for at least six months.
OR
- Wishes
to be buried in an existing family grave in which there is room for a
further burial.
Because of the very small space available we
regret that we are unable to accept burials except in the above
circumstances.
We also have a small Garden of Remembrance for
the interment of cremated remains. We may
be able to be slightly more flexible over this if there is a very strong
connection to the Church.
Who
can have a funeral
service at St Peter’s? (before - or after - a
cremation or a burial in a cemetery)
Anyone. But
clergy are required to minister to families in their own parish and we would
have to seek the permission of your own clergy before agreeing to a request
from outside our parish (unless you were a regular worshipper with us). Your Funeral Director will usually contact
your local clergy, unless you have expressed a particular preference. They can also advise you on when it is best
to hold a service in church prior to a burial in a cemetery or a cremation.
What happens at a funeral service?
Essentially, whatever you wish. We will help and guide you so you do not
need to worry. There are some basic
rules and the Minister will not allow anything that is contrary to the
Christian faith but, beyond that, there is a lot of flexibility.
In brief, a funeral service will usually
contain:
- The
gathering of the people
- A
reading from the bible and a talk
- Prayers
- A
Prayer Commending the dead person to God
- The
committal of the body to be cremated or to be buried
- A
prayer of blessing
It has become normal to also include a tribute
to the dead person and this can either be done as a separate piece or as part
of the talk. Other items can also be
added.
Planning
the Service:
This may seem a silly question from a vicar, but
are you sure you want a Christian ceremony?
There is nothing to stop you conducting a non-religious service at the
crematorium or cemetery yourselves, or there are humanists who will
oblige. (But, and I admit I’m biased,
there is something “right” about a Christian ceremony.)
Don’t feel pressured into doing something you
don’t want to.
If you decide you do want us to help you through
this difficult time, you can be assured of our support regardless of any
connection with the church or lack of it.
The first decision you need to take is where the
service is to take place. The most
usual options are as follows:
- A
simple, but complete, service at the crematorium or the graveside.
- A
service in church, up to and including the prayer of commendation. This is followed by committal of the
body at the crematorium or graveside (sometimes with only family
present, or only the clergy and funeral director).
- A
shortened service of committal at the crematorium (very occasionally at
the graveside), followed by a service of thanksgiving at the
church. This is becoming
increasingly popular.
You then need to decide who will be at which
part of the service. The wishes of the
dead person should, if known, be followed.
Next, what do you want to include?
- Be
cautious about family members doing readings or tributes – it can be
traumatic. On the other hand it
can also be deeply moving and something they will never regret. Talk to the clergy first and let them
guide you.
- Poems,
readings (Bible and others), music for coming in and going out?
- You
don’t have to have hymns even if the funeral director says you
must. The organist will play a
favourite for you or you can have recorded music. But singing is a great tonic and if
you have a good crowd then I recommend it. Your Minister and Funeral Director can
both guide you. And don’t worry
about choosing the same as everyone else (The Lord’s my shepherd for
example) – there is a reason they are popular.
- Do
you want someone to give a tribute?
If you want the vicar to do this for you then think carefully
about what you want said – unless we knew the dead person very well we
can only say what you have told us.
Writing it down helps enormously.
Check out the Resources Section for
examples of services, texts, etc.
To Contact us,
click here.
Local Funeral
Directors
We are very fortunate in having excellent local
funeral directors. Please contact them
directly; we cannot make specific recommendations.
General List
– Look under Rainham, Gillingham and Chatham.
John Weir,
Buttons, Co-Op Funeral Care, Apps/Fowle,
T Allen, have their own or a corporate site.
Memorials
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, do not set your heart on a particular memorial
before talking to us. We have a simple
booklet explaining the very strict rules we have to work to. We recommend that you talk to your funeral
director or one of the local suppliers as they understand our rules. Please be aware that, contrary to what is
said in their brochures, the memorials offered by the nationally advertised
firms are often NOT suitable – indeed, we have seen brochures in which none
of the memorials were legal for a churchyard.
To see what is allowed,
have a look here.
To see the Rules,
look here
To see “What is not
allowed” look here
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