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God’s
love and power extend over all creation. Every life, including our own, is
precious to God. Christians have always believed that there is hope in death
as in life, and that there is new life in Christ over death.
Even those who share such faith find that there
is a real sense of loss at the death of a loved one. We will each have
had our own experiences of their life and death, with different memories and
different feelings of love, grief and respect. To acknowledge this should
help us to use the funeral to express our faith and our feelings as we say
farewell, to acknowledge our loss and our sorrow, and to reflect on our own
mortality. Those who mourn need support and consolation and the following
notes suggest different ways in which we can help each other say goodbye.
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Why should I consider burial
or interment at
a Council cemetery
before thinking about
St Peter’s?
Before you decide to have yourself
or your loved one buried or their ashes interred at St Peter’s, please read
this carefully:
Burials and
gravestones:
The rules governing monuments in churchyards are
very strict.
Most of the monuments you see in
Council cemeteries would not be allowed at St Peter’s.
Basically, all you are legally allowed to place in our churchyard is a
simple, “weathering” headstone (= not marble or granite) with a plain
inscription in black lettering.
So, no pictures, kerbstones, chippings, statues, shrubs, artificial flowers,
or any of the other things that people often like to have.
Please, please, think about this before deciding to have a burial at
St Peter’s.
We are sometimes required to remove items that do not conform to the
regulations and this can cause great distress.
To see what is allowed,
have a look here.
To see the Rules, look here
To see “What is not allowed”
look here
Interment of ashes:
We have to bury the ashes, either by pouring
into the ground or in a bio-degradable carton (=cardboard). We are not allowed to scatter the ashes or
bury them in a wooden or ceramic container.
We are not allowed any form of memorial stone or other
marker for interred ashes. Names are entered in our memorial book. The book is turned each Sunday and the
Curate always checks the names for the next week and prays for each person
named.
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Funerals at
St Peter’s
Most
of us at St Peter’s have suffered bereavement so you are among friends
here.
We are the only church in the parish with a churchyard (though both St
Matthews and All Saints have gardens of remembrance for the interment of
ashes).
If you think you would like us to
help you with the funeral simply ask your funeral director (but please see the
notes to the right if your loved one lived outside the parish). They will liase with us and ensure that all
the arrangements are as you wish. You
do not need to have had any previous contact with a church for us to support
you.
We will help you plan the ceremony
and afterwards can arrange for one of our visitors to come and chat with you
and help you through any problems.
This page should answer most of your
questions but here’s one from me. It
may seem a silly question from a vicar, but are you sure you want a Christian
ceremony? There is nothing to stop you
conducting a non-religious service at the crematorium or cemetery yourselves,
or there are humanists who will oblige.
Don’t feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to.
But, and I admit I’m biased, there
is something “right” about a Christian ceremony, which is probably why we get
to help so many families.
If you decide you do want us to help
you through this difficult time, you can be assured of our support regardless
of any connection with the church or lack of it.
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Who can have a Funeral Service at St
Peter’s?
(before - or after -
a cremation or
a burial in a cemetery)
Anyone. But clergy are required to minister to
families in their own parish and we would have to seek the permission of your
local clergy before agreeing to a request from outside our parish (unless you
were a regular worshipper with us).
Your Funeral Director will usually contact your local clergy, unless you
have expressed a particular preference.
They can also advise you on when it is best to hold a service in
church prior to a burial in a cemetery or a cremation.
Who can be
buried at
St Peter’s?
Anyone who:
- Had their permanent residence, at the time of death, in
the Parish of South Gillingham (Bredhurst, Wigmore, Parkwood, Hempstead)
To check your Parish
click here
OR
- Was, at the time of death, on our Church electoral
roll. To be on the electoral roll
you must have been Baptised (Christened) and have regularly attended a
church in our parish for at least six months.
OR
- Wishes to be buried in an existing family grave in
which there is room for a further burial.
Because of the very small space available
we regret that we are unable to accept burials except in the above
circumstances.
We also have a small Garden of
Remembrance for the interment of cremated remains. We may be able to be slightly more flexible
over this if there is a very strong connection to the Church.
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What Happens at a
Funeral Service?
Essentially, whatever you wish. We will help and guide you so you do not
need to worry. There are some basic rules
and the Minister will not allow anything that is contrary to the Christian
faith but, beyond that, there is a lot of flexibility.
In brief, a funeral service will usually contain:
- The
gathering of the people
- A
reading from the bible
and a talk
- Prayers
- A
Prayer Commending the dead person to God
- The
committal of the body to be cremated or to be buried
- A
prayer of blessing
It has become normal to also include a tribute to
the dead person and this can either be done as a separate piece or as part of
the talk. Other items can also be
added, such as music, hymns, poems, etc.
If you want a long ceremony then ask for a church
service first or, for a cremation, the Garden of England crematorium at
Bobbing. Ceremonies at other
crematoria are typically limited to 20 minutes, in which you could fit one
short tribute, two hymns or short pieces of music and a reading in addition
to the formal service.
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Planning the Service:
The wishes of the dead person should, if known, be followed,
though there is no law on this (unless part of their will is conditional.)
The first decision you need to take is where the
service is to take place. The most
usual options are as follows:
- A
simple, but complete, service at the crematorium or the graveside.
- A
service in church, up to and including the prayer of commendation. This is followed by committal of the
body at the crematorium or graveside (sometimes with only family
present, or only the clergy and funeral director).
- A
shortened service of committal at the crematorium or graveside, followed
by a service of thanksgiving at the church.
You
then need to decide who will be at which part of the service.
Next, what do you want to include?
- If
family members or friends can do a reading or tribute it can be deeply
moving and something they will never regret. Make sure it’s written out – we can
then read it for them if they can’t so it on the day.
- Poems,
readings (Bible and others), music for coming in and going out?
- You
don’t have to have hymns even if the funeral director says you
must. The organist will play a
favourite for you or you can have recorded music. But singing is a great tonic and if
you have a good crowd then I recommend it. Your Minister and Funeral Director can
both guide you. And don’t worry
about choosing the same as everyone else (The Lord’s my shepherd for
example) – there is a reason why they are popular.
- Do you
want someone to give a tribute?
If you want the vicar to do this for you then think carefully
about what you want said – unless we knew the dead person very well we
can only say what you have told us.
Writing it down helps enormously.
Tributes can be utterly boring und utterly inspiring. I assume you want the latter. The best ones are those that trigger
other memories so stories are always better than a glorified CV. Whether you or the clergy read it,
around 400 words is a good length; any more and you’ll lose the impact;
any less and people won’t have time to take it in.
Check out the Resources Section for examples of services, texts, etc.
To Contact us, click
here.
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Local Funeral Directors
We are very fortunate in having excellent local funeral directors. Please contact them directly; we cannot
make specific recommendations.
Local Funeral Directors – Look under Rainham,
Gillingham and Chatham.
John Weir,
Buttons,
Co-Op Funeral Care,
Apps/Fowle,
T Allen,
have their own or a corporate site.
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Memorials
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not set your heart on
a particular memorial before talking to us.
We have a simple booklet explaining the very strict rules we have to work to.
To see what is allowed,
have a look here.
To see “What is not allowed”
look here
To see the Rules,
look here
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Memorial Gifts
We are not allowed plaques in the church or
churchyard and we also have exceeded the permissible number of benches (!) but
there are many items which can be donated or contributed towards. We offer families an entry in our Memorial
Gifts Book, which is kept in the chapel.
See the current list here.
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