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Graham’s
Wedding Blessing Check List: |
This relates to a full re-run of a
marriage service. A simple “do” can be
arranged informally with the vicar.
This should print OK. Use Print Preview
and adjust the margins if necessary.
Discuss all this thoroughly with me before
printing your service sheets.
Date: Time: Church:
Husband: Wife:
Don’t Panic – it is really very easy and
we can guide you when we meet before the service.
We are bound by oath (honestly) to perform
services in accordance with Canon law (church law that is laid down by
Parliament) so we may have to refuse some requests but as very few clergy have actually read the law you’ll probably be OK.
Why do you want to do this? (I
ask this question simply to try to make the service right for you; there is no
‘correct’ answer).
Very approximately, how many guests will attend the church service?
(St Peter’s holds 120)
Are you having service sheets printed?
They can be simple and cheap. I can do them if you ask nicely. Please, never print the sheets till you’ve
formally agreed things with me.
Do you want flowers?
For some bizarre reason these are not provided as part of the standard package
though I’ve added it to my summary of the costs. Talk to Kelly in the office to ensure you get
them.
Are there any awkward family
situations I ought to know about?
Apart from stopping me saying something unbelievably crass, we may need to
think about who sits where and does what.
Be assured that nothing you tell us will be a shock – TV soaps have nothing on
real life.
But, this is your day and that means family squabbles must not be allowed to
dictate what happens.
Will you have page
boys/bridesmaids to accompany you? Ages? Page Boys? Ages?
This will help us work out the seating and also who can help in the service –
youngsters can be very useful service book holders. If you have very young attendants think about
what they will do during the service. If
they are your own children you may want them to stand with you or with the
Minister.
Are you having the choir?
(The choir can process up the aisle before you)
Which style of service do you
prefer - Elizabethan or modern language? Extracts are given below.
Which order do you prefer?
The modern order is shown here, (everything is optional; the parts in italics
are very optional!).
Procession, Introduction, The
Welcome, Hymn, Preface, The Declarations,
The Collect, Bible Reading(s), Sermon, Hymn
The ‘Giving Away’ The Vows, The blessing of Rings, The Proclamation, The Blessing of the
Marriage, Hymn,
Prayers, Dismissal, Registration
of the Blessing, Procession
An alternative order, which is also that
for the Elizabethan service, is:
Procession, Introduction, The
Welcome, Hymn, Preface,
The Declarations, The ‘Giving Away’
The Vows, The Blessing of Rings, The Proclamation, The Blessing of the
Marriage, Hymn, Bible Reading(s), Sermon, Hymn, Prayers,
The Dismissal, Registration of the Blessing,
Procession
The difference between the two is that we
get the actual blessing over quickly with the second one.
With the modern order you have the
opportunity to listen to the reading and the talk about marriage before you
actually complete it.
Or we can do anything else that works
The remaining questions and the sample
order of service follow the old order.
How do you want to come in? The
options are:
Couple come into the church together, followed by Bridesmaids, etc. (and the
congregation if you prefer).
Couple and other participants just wander in when they’re ready and sit down
until the service starts.
Have you decided on music? We
would usually have:
Two hymns:
One
right at the beginning to settle you down
One
just before the prayers (we lead you up to the altar during the last verse)
We
can also put a third in between the marriage and the reading
(or vice-versa for the Modern order)
Two processional pieces – one to come in
to and one to go out to
Music during the signing of the book
Go to the Web Resources page for links to
hymns, processional music, etc.
See Peter, our organist, after a service and he will play you some pieces if
you’re not sure what you want.
It is OK to have more or fewer hymns or to have a singer instead of hymns
(ideally a Christian song – we reserve the right to say no).
There is a bit in the
declarations where we can ask the congregation if they will support you in your
commitment to each other. Do you want to
include this?
The minister says to the congregation
Will
you, the families and friends of N and N, continue to support and uphold them in their marriage now and
in the years to come? All: We
will.
Do you want to be 'given away'?
This can be useful if you have younger children. I ask “Who wishes this man and this woman to
continue to live together in Holy Matrimony?” or something similar and they get
to shout out “We Do!”
Do you want to learn your vows?
This is the bit
beginning “I N have taken you N to be my…” and you can also do the Rings bit: “I
gave you this ring …..” Some couples
like to remember these and say them to each other without the Minister leading
them. You will need to be able to speak
loudly and clearly whilst gazing into your dearest’s
eyes. But, if you can do it, it is very
moving. On the day I will be ready to
prompt you, or even to say the words out loud for you,
if you clam up – and no-one will notice that you didn’t manage to remember
them.
We can use other vows if you prefer but
the official ones work rather well in our old bilding.
Are you having new rings,
eternity rings, etc.
Or do you want your old rings blessed?
The service is
adaptable.
You may kiss the Bride
You can if you wish!
Have you chosen a Bible reading?
I recommend a Bible reading. I enclose a selection of the
more popular ones. The Web Resources
page has a link to on-line bible passages if you want to look up any other
ones.
Please do NOT use American web site
suggestions of “readings suitable for a religious ceremony” – most of them are
anything but. That said, you can have a poem or other non-Bible reading during the
service. Please be careful with these –
some of them jar badly when read in our traditional old church in the middle of
what is a quite traditional ceremony.
Look here for suggestions for places where you can
put these. The more common ones are
often best done before the Prayers. I
usually suggest that someone other than me does such Readings.
Who do you want to do the Bible
Reading?
I will of course
be happy to do it, but this is a good way of rewarding a member of the family or
a good friend
You are allowed two readings - useful if this helps
overcome a potential problem as to who does what.
Who do you want to do the
sermon? Do you want one?
The only rule is
400 words maximum (5 minutes!). The
invitation has to come from the Minister conducting the ceremony so please ask
first.
Do you want anyone else to join
in the Prayers?
Usually I will
lead these. But, again, anyone can take
part.
Is there anyone you would want
mentioning in the prayers?
Sometimes
couples like to remember people who have died or who are too ill to come.
We can do this by name or by putting in a short bit of silence.
Which form of the Lord’s Prayer
do you prefer?
We use this at the end of the Prayers – everyone says it.
The old version is the one most people know but check them out
first.
Do you want to sign a book?
I suggest you
get yourself a photo album or a special book where people can sign their names.
The chapel will take up to 15 at a squeeze or we can use the choir area.
Will we have/how will we arrange
the Procession out?
There are no rules but it’s nice to do.
Other Things to Chat About with
the Minister
Photographs
and videos.
We only allow
one video and that has to be on a tripod at the back of the church.
We do not allow flash photography during the actual ceremony. It puts us off.
I do allow flash photographs during the registration and the processions and lots
of photographs at the kiss the bride moment but only if you want them.
If you are using amateur photographers I strongly recommend a test run before the
day.
Payment
of fees.
You are asked to
pay these direct to the office.
Rehearsal date.
Sometime near to the blessing I recommend a rehearsal. The only purpose of the rehearsal for you is
to become familiar with the service and where you will be – you do not need to
remember anything. The rehearsal is also
very useful to me if you are doing anything out of the ordinary – getting the
choreography right can be important. The
rehearsal is also useful to all the “extras” who I may
not have time to control on the day.
Words
from the Elizabethan service:
N, thou hast taken this woman to thy wedded wife, to
live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou continue to love her, comfort her,
honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep
thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live? N: I will
N, thou hast taken this man to thy wedded husband, to
live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou continue to love him, comfort him,
honour, and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep
thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live? N I will
I N, have taken thee, N to my wedded wife, To have and
to hold from this day forward, For better, for worse, for richer for poorer, In
sickness and in health, To love and to cherish till death us do part and
thereto I plight thee my troth.
I N have taken thee, N to my wedded husband. To have
and to hold from this day forward, For better, for
worse, for richer for poorer, In sickness and in health, To love and to cherish
till death us do part and thereto I give thee my troth.
N, you have taken N
to be your wife? Will you continue to love her, comfort her, honour and
protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both
shall live? He answers I will.
N, you have taken N to
be your husband? Will you continue to love him, comfort him, honour and protect
him, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall
live? She answers I will.
Will you, the families and friends of N
and N, continue to support
and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come? All: We will.
I, N, have taken you, N, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part; according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.
I, N, have taken you, N, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part; according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.
Possible Bible Readings:
Genesis 1:26-28
Then God said, ‘Let us make humankind in
our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish
of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the
wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the
earth.’
So God created humankind in his image, in
the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed
them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and
subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the
air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.’
Genesis 2
God said, "It is not good that man
should be alone. I will make a helper as
a partner for him. Now God had made out of the earth all the beasts of the field and
all the birds of the air. He showed each
one to Adam so that he could give them names. But none of them was good enough to be Adam's
partner. So God made Adam fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he
took one of the man's ribs. He closed up
the wound. Then he made a woman from the
rib he had taken out of Adam. He showed
the woman to Adam who shouted:
"This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh! She shall be called woman because she was
taken out of man" Because of this a man will leave his father and his
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one.
Proverbs 31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and
lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good,
not harm, all the days of her life.
She sets about her work vigorously; her
arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and
her lamp does not go out at night.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends
her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her
household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful
instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her
household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
”Many women do noble things, but you
surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is
fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and
let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Song of Solomon 2:10-13; 8:6,7
My beloved speaks and says to me: ‘Arise,
my love, my fair one, and come away; for now the winter is past, the rain is
over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth
its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my
love, my fair one, and come away.’ Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a
seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame. Many waters cannot quench
love, neither can floods drown it. If one offered for love all the wealth of
one’s house, it would be utterly scorned.
Tobit 8:4-8
When the parents had gone out and shut the
door of the room, Tobias got out of bed and said to Sarah, ‘Sister, get up, and
let us pray and implore our Lord that he grant us mercy and safety.’ So she got
up, and they began to pray and implore that they might be kept safe. Tobias
began by saying, ‘Blessed are you, O God of our ancestors, and blessed is your
name in all generations for ever. Let the heavens and the whole creation bless
you for ever. You made Adam, and for him you made his wife Eve as a helper and
support. From the two of them the human race has sprung. You said, “It is not
good that the man should be alone; let us make a helper for him like himself.” I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of
lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may
grow old together.’ And they both said, ‘Amen, amen.’
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and
of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and
all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not
have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I
hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not
envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it
is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices
in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. But as for prophecies,
they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it
will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part;
but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I
thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an
end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but
then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know
fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide,
these three; and the greatest of these is love.
Matthew 5:1-10
When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the
mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then he began to
speak, and taught them, saying:
‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will
be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will
inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst
for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will
receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they
will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will
be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for
righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’
John 15:9-17
As the Father has loved me, so have I
loved you. Now remain in my love.
If you obey my commands, you will remain
in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be
complete.
My command is this: Love each other as I
have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my
friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a
servant does not know his master's business.
Instead, I have called you friends, for
everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
You did not choose me, but I chose you and
appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last.
Then the Father will give you whatever you
ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.
Ephesians
5:21-31
Submit
to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head
of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.
Now
as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands
in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the
word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle
or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself.
After
all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as
Christ does the church -- for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
Or any other Bible reading you like
The
Procession/The Welcome
Hymn:
About marriage or love in place of hymn
About marriage
Preface/The Declarations/Bible Reading/Sermon
The
Vows/The Giving of Rings/The Proclamation/The Blessing
of the Marriage
Words
of blessing (but must be consistent with Christian blessing)
Hymn
About marriage or love in place of hymn
Prayers Words
of encouragement or prayer
Blessing of the congregation
Sending
out (spoken to you as you stand at the altar end of the church before you
process)
Traditional Form of the Lord’s Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, Your
kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread. Forgive
us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours now and for ever. Amen.